ALN's fondue melting pot shocker

by Laura Brooks

The wonderful thing about the newsroom is that it’s alive with so many people from different cultures and places.

However, this multiculturalism is not without its downsides: it can - and has - lead to social stereotyping.

Our lifestyle editor, Malgorzata Stankiewicz, who hails from Poland, recently branded a few of us British types “boring” during a discussion about food.

So, determined to prove her wrong, I polled half of the newsroom to find out what their favourite cheese was.

It was an open poll; people could name whatever cheeses they liked, although for the sake of my sanity we discounted niche selections such as "smoked", "mature" and "melted".

A fantastic board of cheeses were named in the poll, from Red Leicester to Parmesan, Camembert to Stilton, Roquefort to Babybel.

It was a variety that Wallace of Wallace and Gromit fame would be proud of.

The results of the poll were as follows:

Babybel - 1
Blue Stilton - 1
Brie - 4
Camembert - 1
Cheddar - 5
Edam - 1
Goat’s cheese - 1
Halloumi - 2
Mozzarella - 2
Parmesan - 1
Red Leicester - 3
Roquefort - 1
Stilton - 1

The bland, predictable choice had romped to victory.

By a small margin nonetheless, but still.

Chaos

Cue complete anarchy.

“I’m disappointed,” said cheese expert Dan Scagnelli. “I had more faith in this newsroom than to vote cheddar.”

Frenchman Benoit Rajalu was quick to voice his disappointment over the poignant results. “Speaking on behalf of the nation of France, I would like to say we are sad and ashamed for you, for choosing cheddar,” he said.

It was a sentiment shared by a large proportion of the voters.

We had all put our faith in each other, and trusted that we would prove that British people are not predictable, and we were bitterly let down.

It struck a chord in the hearts of everyone who voted.

Reports that the findings actually pushed one voter to tears remain unconfirmed.

Not everyone was as distraught with the findings as the non-cheddar voters.

“I think it shows that cheddar is clearly the best cheese,” proclaimed one confident cheddar fan.

“I’ve eaten it my whole life and it hasn’t done me any harm. I don’t buy into all that exotic cheese stuff.”

Maybe it’s not such a bad thing though.

It’s nice that although we are living in a melting pot of multiculturalism, we’re still able to retain our individual flavours.

“I think it’s important,” agreed Malgorzata. “Although you should try other cheeses than cheddar. It’s just the most bland one going.”

Is it worse than Babybel though?

“Yes. At least you can roll Babybel,” Malgorzata concluded.